|About the Book|
Well, well, well, guess whos from Oklahoma?? Yes, Garth Brooks. Sigh, and Toby Keith. Naturally, Larry Clark. And, ya know, Jim Thompson. Was my point. I shouldve known that a man with such a rotten view of humanity came from the birthplace of so many rotten things, including my own rotten view of humanity.No surprise, this book is rotten, though occasionally quite funny. Its the story of a nice, young man named Carl Bigelow who shows up in a small college town mid-semester in order to audit courses, arousing suspicion when he opts to rent a room from a notorious mafia turncoat. Since hes telling the story, I wouldnt be a snot-nosed little spoiler punk to tell you when he takes his makeup off (contacts and false teeth), hes a frightening, scuzzy, wanted contract killer. Under threat of death if he fails, he proceeds to plan a murder made to look like an accident. His dick gets in the way, like they do, and complicated things get even more complicated. Like they do. Not one, but two ladies pull at his loyalties, and his paranoia swells as he becomes more and more convinced that someone, everyone? works for the mob boss who forcefully hired him, and is spying, sabotaging, planning his death. Did I mention he has tuberculosis? Yeah, Carls life is pretty suck right now, and he cant even sex it away. Carnage ensues.Lessons: Before you kiss a man, pull at his front teeth to make sure they dont come out. Check the doors of walk-in freezers to ensure they have emergency exit buttons. Even if you think its sexy to plan a mans murder with his wife as your accomplice, consider for a moment what else that situation might imply about her. Witness Protection exists for a reason. If the mob wants to murder you, dont wander the streets of your hometown, alone and blackout-drunk every night. Avoid Oklahoma. And most importantly, always compliment old ladies on their funny hats. Why? Because its sweet and it makes them feel good, jerk.